Relief? Fear?
Sep 02
I'm only 6' tall; that's a TINY ambulance!
I just got back from accompanying a pale and sickly friend of mine here in India while he was getting an UltraSound at a small lab. The waiting area was packed out with people, and, as expected, everyone there seemed perfectly “o.k.” with their surroundings. To my eyes, it looked like overcrowding, lack of order, and violations of all kinds of health standards. My friend had come in an ambulance (a mini-mini van), and now the driver, an obvious bi-vocational, was busy drawing blood from grimacing patients (no gloves). Remember, I’m the only one concerned about any of this, which is always my clue that I’m running up against cultural differences.
Things like “how long should I expect to wait?” “What kind of comfort should be there for us in the waiting room?” “Is the equipment in good, working order?” These are questions that all of us in the room were thinking about, but I was probably coming up with all the wrong answers! They expected longer waits. They expected less room and uncomfortable chairs. Can I learn to really try to see it all through the eyes of the local people? What are THEY concerned about, angry about, happy about? When, through personal friendships I discover the answers, what can I learn from it all? Should I allow it to shape me? To change me? How much?! I want an experience that is much more than ‘holding my breath as long as I can, then getting back to something familiar’. No; I want to connect with people, and see what they see. I’m not saying that “everything is right or good” just because I find it here! But I’m also leery of considering everything “wrong or bad” when it doesn’t align with “back home”.
I will be able to make SOME changes; others, I may not be able to, and perhaps shouldn’t try to. Let’s just think about the “water cooler” there in the waiting room at the lab. There was the standard plastic cup sitting there; the plastic cup that all locals know is to be shared among all, taking care to pour the water from the cup into your mouth without touching the cup to your lips.
People coughing and hacking all around were finding refreshment, grabbing the cup, taking a drink, then generously returning the cup. Next in line: pick it up and repeat. These cup-grabbing-water-drinking folks are all dealing with some sort of challenging health issue. They’re tired. They’re bored. They’re waiting. When they see that water cooler, and the cup that makes the water available to them, they feel relief: “Ah, good! Some clean drinking water!” When I see it, I feel NO relief at all; I feel fear. “Oh no! What kind of germs and sickness are being passed around the waiting room?!” I don’t really feel fear for MYSELF, for I have already assigned that cup as “out of bounds” for me; not an option! Too risky. I didn’t take a drink, nor do I plan on “learning how” to take a drink in those circumstances. But I felt terrible about the sharing of sickness through sharing the cup.
We’re all in the same boat there at the lab: we’re all hot; we’re all bored; we’re all thinking that a drink of water would be nice. And we all see the same thing: the drinking water and the shared cup. But we sure don’t feel the same about it, do we?
What do YOU think?
How do you know when your “outsider view” is something that must be changed, or must NOT be changed? How do you find out what’s really behind people’s behavior? How do you get past the very superficial, knee-jerk reactions that most expats suffer from? Got some good stories? Some good answers? THEN LEAVE A COMMENT HERE, AND START A CONVERSATION. (And… sign up for email alerts in the upper right column. Thanks.)
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Thanks for the insight into the culture around you which is often strange to us living in other places. So many differences, things to accept, to adapt to, to adjust our own outlook, thinking and biases — plenty of food for thought. when there isn’t a safety issue or conflict with one’s morals, one really needs to examine the heart.
Thanks, Arnette!
Logically, if the rim of the cup has remained untouched and the water is in a cooler, the risk of germ-transfer is as minimal as it can be in this situation. Also, exposure to low level bacteria will strengthen your immune system. Think of the reduction in waste thanks to the careful use of the single cup. Small comforts, I know, but you are right to concentrate on the positives – chairs and water provided. Appreciation is often learnt through deprivation. I suppose the less you have the more appreciative and content you are with your lot because you know it’s true value.
You are right to question/analyse your thoughts, there are so many other perspectives. The more rounded person is the one who can see more of them.
Thanks, Aisha, for your comments here; very helpful!
I don’t know who you wrote this for but you hleped a brother out.
I think one thing that many people from the US have to deal with in cross-cultural situations like this is resisting the urge to process the way the OTHER culture does it in a loud voice to their companion. I’ve witnessed a number of people who are trying to immerse themselves in a different culture talk about situations like this where it is “better” or “more sanitary” or “safer” and not be careful of who can overhear. It is a surefire way for alienation.
Yes, we Americans are known for being loud, and for being arrogant in regard to other cultures. Too often, comments are made or reactions are seen, and it becomes obvious that we’ve been critical. Thanks, Rebecca.
That must have been a real eye-opener. I don’t like to visit the ER in the US so I know I would try to avoid it in India.
Yeah, Sandy, I’m not real good at visiting the sick. It was a challenging time on a number of levels!
Good post, good subject. I’ve lived in a number of foreign countries and have dealt with this subject countless times. I especially found it interesting to find that logic is not an absolute. What is logical in say, Indonesia, may make no sense to Westerners at all, and so forth.
It is always important to try and see things from the “other side,” which is sometimes very difficult because you didn’t grow up on the “other side.”
Clearly, the people in the waiting room don’t feel the way you do about their environment because it is the norm for them and they (probably) never experienced anything different.
You can’t escape your own frame of reference, which doesn’t mean you can’t learn about, adapt, appreciate and accept differences. But when it comes to health issues, well you’d better be careful!
About that cup: It’s not even that people don’t touch their mouths to it, but what about all these hands and germs being deposited and spread around? I’m with you on not touching that one!
First of all,Mr Ron,I offer my humble gratitude to you for taking my”pale and sickly” brother to the diagnostic center.
Now, allow me to say what my heart beckons me to. Have you, Mr Ron, ever wondered how this carcass looking antediluvian country called India works; not on the financial muscle that it has acquired in the last decade- not at all-if it is able to function and function perfectly well; the reason,dear sir, is trust.Sir, as you know it, as one knows his name,that faith can move mountains, you must realize that this country runs with the power of faith and trust and nothing else.
Now, let me explain what i am trying to say. the folks who drink water from the dirty plastic glass- you must believe me sir- will never fall prey to any deadly malady ,and if,they do, it is not because of that filthy container but the filth that gets accumulated over the years, in their hearts.
no sir, i don’t want India to remain bedraggled forever,but,i want the hearts to get unsullied and untarnished first; the corporal things will take care of themselves.I don’t want to imagine a situation where there is prosperity and tidiness all around and all the hearts are completely devoid of any kind of virtue.
One more thing, sir, the van is perfectly alright for even a 6’4″ block.
i thank you for your patience.
May God shower his blessing upon you.
Avinash, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Getting insightful feedback from Indians is most important to me. First…I’m so glad to see you prioritize the heart condition over the bodily. I agree completely, and wish the same both for India and for my homeland of the USA. Now, just a couple quick comments: I would NEVER call this place antediluvian! Also, our “pale and sickly brother” is doing much better now. And finally, the only 6’4″ block that could get into that ambulance, is the one in prone position. Sitting up would be impossible!!